HEADERS AND STRETCHERS
British brickmakers, and the language of brickmaking and laying
"Soldiers, sailors, shiners and shippers -
Grit-particled, water-struck, sand-faced or salt-glazed
On lintels, dentils, squints and cills
Buttresses, plinths, parapets and balustrades ..."
(See full piece at bottom of page)
Selections from the online free offered/wanted listings scheme.
"Bubble machine, trampoline
Mosquito net, toothbrush heads
Dog tether, peacock feather
And model helicopter, all offered..."
The poetry of surgery and medicine.
"Anatomical snuff box, white coat hypertension
Slapped cheek syndrome, and the classic appearance of a ganglion..."
The language of bell-ringing.
"...Sally stroke, tail stroke, handstroke and ropesight
Bell cages, skeleton courses, steeple keepers, call-changes
Ringing records and counting places..."
The language of pipe organs.
"Speakers, feeders, beaters, treadles, steppers and trackers;
Bird Whistle, Crash Cymbal
Tromba Bastarda, Dotzena Nazarda, Tibia Vulgaris and Vox Humana..."
The unique language of heraldry.
"...Bevelled, membered, beaked and belled
Glissant, trippant, caboshed and cowed.
Gorged, jessed, vested and cuffed
Volant, vulning, fructed and tufted..."
A page of ways to berate a flighty young man (without recourse to the use of unpleasant language).
"You cad, you charmer, you charlatan, you chancer;
You varlet, you enchanter, you downright disarmer..."
Dental terminology, taken out of clinical context.
" ...Temporo-mandibular dysfunction, interfering with enjoyment of luncheon..".
Cycling terminology, sociology and simultaneities.
"...Punctures at junctions and punctuation at junctures.."
38 EUPHEMISMS FOR BEIGE
A collection of thirty-eight (so far!) misguided attempts by marketers to make beige appear desirable or evocative.
"Tan, natural, nude, nomad, camel, labrador..."
THE YOUNG PERSONS' GUIDE TO THE ORCHESTRA
Music and instruments, real and misheard.
"Sackbuts and strumpets, crumhorns and serpents..."
The (apparent) language of apparel.
"...Rigged in britches and wimples, skirtled in kirtles and filibegs..."
DISH OF THE DAY
Spoofs and spoonerisms of culinary language.
"...Spliced brawns and streaming squallops, herring impaired and cod wallops..."
IKEA product names - innocent words in Swedish, but harsh or comical to the English ear.
"Klang, Frack, Kludd, Slabang..."
CITY of GUILDS
Livery companies of the City of London, both ancient and modern.
"Tallow Chandlers, Merchant Taylors, Master Mariners and Air Navigators
Broderers, Brasiers, Painter-Stainers and Glaziers
International Bankers and Virginal Makers..."
A list of genuine courses offered in London over the last few years; a tribute to the now extinct course listing magazine, Floodlight.
"...Belly Dancing, Corset Making, Soft Furnishing and Weight Lifting;
Fat Burning, Food Sculpturing, Calf Rearing and Meat Processing..."
THE TEASEL MAN IS COMING
A tribute to the use of the teasel in the woollen industry, and its 'sales rep', the Teasel Man.
"...The Teasel Man is leaving, with his carders' plant
For the 'Riley Roller Raiser' can faster raise the yarn
Like the willower and scribbler, the coner, the twister.."